I wrote a poem to sum up up my silence and what in brief my life has been like since last year...
There once was a girl who lived in a town
in a house that somehow had not fallen down
there in the street it improbably stood
full of spiders and cobwebs and worms in its wood
quite cold and quite wonky with plenty of stairs
lots of spare rooms for her friends to stay there
on Friday 13th she was told to move out
three more days passed and a lock down came about
the cafe was closed so her job was gone too
so she started to pack, there was much to do
what do I do with all of this stuff??
she felt like life was being unfair and tough
then she remembered to Embrace the Unknown
there must be a reason I'm leaving my home
Then an answer came to her that felt very good
she would give out her things to the neighborhood
and fast as she placed it the stuff disappeared
through her letterbox came chocolate and notes saying 'cheers!'
then her house was empty, on her journey she went
firstly to Wales to live in a tent
it didn't work for her so onwards she roamed
feeling much lighter with no stuff or a home
the summer was grand she had lots of fun
as the winter drew nearer she began to grow glum
living her life from a bag had its wear
she wanted some space and time for self care
after all of the highs came a terrible low
she just wanted somewhere safe she could go so
she wished and she searched and finally it came
but now she was struggling with her weary brain
a small rotten wagon beside a train track
a space of her own though a few things it lacked
Sometimes she screams sometimes she Weeps
sometimes she sings sometimes she sleeps
she wakes at odd hours and looks at the moon
she has to eat everything with one tiny spoon
she's forgotten quite how to cook and wash up
It was so cold outside that she pissed in a cup
when her phone gets some Signal she gets a rare chance
to disrupt the silence with music and dance
she dances alone which she always preferred
she's not really alone she's surrounded by birds
and plenty of squirrels and three fat brown rats
woodpeckers and pheasants and occasionally a cat
she feeds the birds and assortment of seeds
she self medicates a bit too much weed
she watches the birds, some she gives names
she sees them keep going even if they are lame
she particularly enjoys her daily visit
from a wonky dunnock and a scruffy bluetit
also one leg, the long-tailed, who came as a sign
'cling on and keep going and it will make sense in time'
with all the aloneness she had time to refind
herself by thinking and writing down rhymes
new levels of honesty she finds in her self
learning that sometimes she has to reach out
turning a leaf letting go of the past
feeling less numb a weight lifts at last
The birds lift her spirits In ineffable ways
Just watching a while can stave off the greys
the past is behind her they sing it to sleep
'live with us in the present moment' they tweet
'you noticed the message and so we are pleased
now get to the shops and buy us more seeds!'
